Tolerance

There are many examples of discrimination occurring at any given moment in time. It is our responsibility to fight against these prejudiced attitudes so that, one day, we can all live without fear. But we have to be aware of how we are doing so.

My showing of respect is not based on whether or not I receive it. I do not live in such a greedy world where i am only willing to offer what I am getting. I believe that we have no right to ask for or demand what we are not already giving ourselves. I believe in Karma, that what you put out will come back to you.

"Ever mind the rule of three, what you send out comes back to thee."

I fight for freedom. It does not matter what your skin color, nationality, gender, sexual identity, or religious beliefs are. I fight by promoting awareness, sharing information, and encouraging tolerance. I do not do so by trying to prove how horrible, evil, wrong, or backwards the groups containing would be oppressors are because that is only adding more hatred to the mix.

-I will not assume that all Christians are judgmental, pious, and fanatical because some of them are genuinely caring people.

-I will not assume that all Muslims are terrorists who want to silence the world because some of them are innocent to the mindsets of others.

-I will not assume all homophobes are inherently bad people because some of them are just uneducated.

-I will not assume all parents who support circumcision are perverted child abuser because some of them are misinformed or unaware that they even have an option.

-I will not assume that all mothers who formula feed are lazy and selfish because some of them are only resorting to what will feed their child when breastfeeding fails. (I personally formula fed after my son was seven months old and my milk dried up no matter what I tried)

-I will not assume that all people who eat meat do not care about and respect other living creatures or the planet because some of them don't know how damaging and devastating it really is.

-I will not assume that all people who question me are looking for a fight because some of them are genuinely curious. (I admit, I'm still working on this one a little :-P)

I will absolutely formulate my own opinions on a subject after doing my own research of both sides of the argument. I will share anything that I find interesting. I will defend those under attack-no matter who they are. I will defend my views without backing down to anyone. I will never be silent to avoid offending someone. I will not fight back so hard, so viciously that I then become the attacker. You will never help any cause if you are spreading more fear and anger instead of love and acceptance. It's all about balance.

Be strong. Be firm. Be adventurous. Be empathy. Be love.

Circumcision

Circumcision seems to be one of the hottest debate topics among parents lately. One side is fighting for the rights of parents to decide what happens to their children while the other side is fighting for the rights of infants who cannot speak for themselves.

If you can put aside your preconceived notions for a few moments and just look at the facts surrounding this issue there can be no question. Circumcision is wrong. It is an unnecessary, potentially harmful, unquestionably painful, preventative procedure performed on newborns to help with problems that are quite likely to never happen. I’m all about treatment for problems that exist, but it makes far more sense to treat a problem if it arises and not “treat” a perfectly healthy body as a “just in case”. There are many reasons given for why you should circumcise but those reasons are all fairly easy to dismiss with a healthy dose of common sense.

Religion:

Should parents mutilate their child for a religious rite? No. The circumcision procedure that is performed now is not what was originally done as a religious rite, and no matter what the parents religion is it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s their religion being imposed on his body.

Aesthetics:

Should parents mutilate their child so that their sex organ is more visually appealing? No. Honestly that entire concept is incredibly disturbing as well as being something to promote more superficiality. Why teach children that their bodies are imperfect, in any way, the way that they are born?

Social/Cultural:

Should parents mutilate their child so that they fit in better? No. Instilling good self-confidence in them will be far more effective and this too is something that promotes more superficiality and parental laziness.

Health:

Should a parent mutilate their child just to make sure that there are no problems with that part later on? No. Amputation is not prevention which is why we do not have our teeth removed to prevent cavities or our toes cut off to prevent athlete’s foot.

Hygiene:

Should a parent mutilate their child so that they have better hygiene? No. A scalpel is no substitute for a bar of soap and good hygiene is perfectly possible without involving surgery. This reasoning promotes the idea that boys are incapable of learning to wash themselves properly.

I had some conflict with my son’s father about whether or not our son would be circumcised. He was completely for it while I was (obviously) against it. One of his biggest reasons to push for it was his concern for our son being picked on once he was in school. Now, after a year and a half of getting all the information (sometimes against his will :-P) he has switched standpoints entirely-the more you know the more you are against it. He now acknowledges that worrying about your kid being picked on if they’re intact is fairly ridiculous. For one, your kid is going to get picked on no matter what you do or don’t do. Other kids will find something, they always do. For two, where is this epidemic of boys in locker rooms all comparing their junk? That was one of the things that DH said, he wasn’t sure why he was so worried about him getting picked on because that’s just not something that’s a common topic of discussion. I mean, really, most other children who would be closed minded and cruel enough to think lesser of a boy who was intact are probably not secure enough in themselves to actually admit that they were looking at another boy’s penis.

But the number one reason I hear for circumcision to still happen is not fear of teasing it is hygiene. Come on folks, it just seems like the epitome of parental laziness to put your newborn through a surgical procedure with little to no painkillers just so that cleaning their winky is easier when they’re older. Time and again people have insisted to me that little boys just “aren’t capable of proper hygiene”. Yes they are!! Little boys are just as able to clean themselves as little girls are; the simple fact is that all kids are rather gross. We, as parents, have the responsibility to make sure we teach our children how to care for themselves and take the next step to make sure that they are actually doing it. It is our job. My five year old has a problem wiping properly, I don’t wish that she had been circumcised so that it would be easier to keep clean I simply make sure I help her clean herself until she is able to do it properly for herself. How incredibly selfish is it to make your son endure surgery with barely more than Tylenol followed by a recovery period involving an open wound being regularly soaked in feces and urine (sounds real hygienic) so that you don’t have to deal with some “extra” cleaning education in a few years? (extra in quotes here because I can’t call something “extra” truthfully when it’s nothing beyond what should normally be required).

Most of my life I thought circumcision was just what you did. It was at my mother’s encouragement that I decided to question this practice. I am eternally grateful to her for giving me the push to think. It is said so many time in circumcision debates, “the more you know, the more you are against it,” and with good reason. Asking myself what I should do, weighing the facts…there was no room for doubt. When you see your newborn son for the first time and you look into his eyes how could there be a thought in your mind of allowing him to be hurt? To have a perfect little being lying in your arms, completely reliant on you for protection, a little being that is completely innocent and unconditionally loving and trusting, that is the most amazing feeling you can ever experience. Our sons deserve to have their lives start out with love and amazement, not pain and fear.

Rock The Boat

Why are people so insistent that the only valid information is that which comes from scientific studies provided more often than not by companies or organizations that have money at stake? Other people who have had direct experience with any particular subject are far more reliable, honest, and real than any company will ever be. How many times do we have to watch the pattern unfold where we find out that what we were told was safe, even necessary, is then later deemed harmful? Sadly, only after too many people have been hurt, and those who tried to speak up have been ignored or ridiculed. It seems to be the norm for people to start to speak up that something is wrong and then be faced with a battle not only from the organization(s) that stand to lose but also from all the other people who don't want to acknowledge that they have been duped. I will never understand the last group. Those who stand to gain monetarily...I get that. I don't think it's right but, I understand. The people who seem hell-bent on keeping the wool over their eyes are baffling to me. Why? Why would you not want to find out everything you can even if it goes up against what was formerly believed? It used to be acceptable to own another human being. It used to be acceptable to discriminate against someone based on their skin color, religious beliefs, sexual orientation or gender. It used to be acceptable for a wife or children to be beaten. It used to be acceptable to smoke around our children in our houses and cars. It used to be acceptable to use lead paint. When people spoke up against any of those things you bet your ass there were people there to argue against the change. For some there were even all sorts of "scientific" studies done to show that previously accepted behaviors were still safe. It is still considered acceptable to circumcise our sons but, a lot of parents are starting to see the truth behind this mutilation (did you know there have been medical articles published about how circumcision reduced the occurrence of masturbation, then believed to cause all sorts of health problems?). It is still considered acceptable to vaccinate our children but, a lot of parents are starting to see the truth behind this toxicity. It is still considered acceptable to use disposable diapers but, a lot of parents are starting to see the truth not only behind the environmental damage but the potential chemical damages done to our babies as a result of the processing of disposables. Most of the reasons arguing using or participating in these thing boils down to laziness. Putting our faith in chemicals (that require minimal testing) gives more allowance to not take proper care of ourselves. You can avoid far more illnesses by eating healthy and exercising than you ever could with vaccines but it's far easier to get a shot and eat that hamburger while sitting on your ass staring at the TV. It's easier to "snip-snip" than to maintain and teach our sons proper hygiene and safe sex. It's easier to selfishly succumb to convenience than deal with a little extra cleaning. If anyone out their is content to stay in their little bubble of illusion and false security (ironically derived most often from fear mongering) that's on you but, do not expect me to sit and take it silently if you come to tell me that I have not educated myself because I don't see things like you do. I do not feel and will not feel that I am wrong for looking deeper into things or for trying to change things towards the better, even if it's only with me that the changes are made. Just because you might not want to hear the truth it does not mean that I am somehow morally obligated to shut up and get back to my proper place in line just so I don't make you uncomfortable. I will not be a sheep just to avoid rocking the boat! As far as I'm concerned we'd all be better off if we just flipped the damn boat over.

My Stance on Circumcision

I look at my sweet, innocent, perfect little boy and I try to imagine what goes through another parents mind when they are faced with the decision of circumcision. How can you hold a new baby in your arms, a baby who is utterly dependent on you for everything, a baby who trusts and loves you completely and then hand that baby over for a procedure that is unnecessary, violating, terrifying, and excruciating because it's "what you do"?

Many parents are pushed into it because they don't know there are other options and/or they don't know all of the details and facts surrounding it. But, there are still so many more who simply do not want to know or who do know and spout cliches such as "it's a personal choice" (personal for whom?). People need to wake up as parents and open up their hearts and minds to deeper levels of compassion. Our children need us to.

The more you know the more you are against it!

The arguments for circumcision should not be based on potential health benefits. They should not be based aesthetic reasons. They should not be based on hygiene. They should not be based on society reasons (i.e. it's the most common thing to do) The only things that should be considered when making a decision about circumcision are: Does it cause them pain? Can it harm them? Is it mutilation without the consent of the individual? Is it really necessary?

Health Benefits:

Circumcision is a surgery performed on a new-born baby to prevent problems that may never happen. I've often heard people say that circumcision reduces risk of UTI's, STD's and some forms of cancer. Last I checked, UTI was not a surgery worthy issue, easily remedied with antibiotics, I would much more highly recommend to people to practice safe sex as a more effective means of disease prevention and the foreskin has nothing to do with cancer. And, in any health issue that will arise, isn't it a better method to deal with problems when (and if) they happen as oppose performing surgery on so many baby boys that don't need it as a "just in case"?

Aesthetics:

Hearing the phrase "an un-circumcised penis looks ugly" makes me want to scream! It is utterly selfish for anyone to expect their man to be cut because they think it looks nicer. Our world is superficial enough and this is only adding to it. It is a cosmetic surgery performed on an infant! That is completely unacceptable.

Hygiene:

A scalpel is not a substitute for a bar of soap. If you really think about it the concept is ludicrous. I've heard everything from intact men all smell bad to little boys don't have the capacity to keep themselves clean. First of all, women produce far more smegma then men yet most of the world thinks that cutting on a girl is heinous. If a man cannot keep himself clean with his foreskin intact, he's probably not going to be doing worlds better if he was circumcised. Lazy is lazy and we only perpetuate that it's acceptable to be lazy because "we'll just cut that nasty little part off". As for little boys, they are perfectly capable of learning good hygiene as long as their parents are willing to make sure that they teach them. If he truly is beyond all hope and you can't teach him to be clean...well, foreskin or not, he's still gonna be dirty anyway.

Society

Doing anything just because it's "more common" or "normal" is no way to live. Circumcising our boys so that they won't get picked on later is both a wasted effort as well as a bad message to teach . Trying to stop your kids from being picked on is nonsensical because kids pick on each other, it happens. I know any number of circumcised men who were picked on plenty regardless of the condition of their penis. We should never encourage our children that they should be altered in some way to be more accepted, we should be trying to instill more confidence in them and teaching them that they are wonderful, lovable people.

Seriously, this is surgery and surgery is serious. It should never be brushed off as "not a big deal" especially not with a newborn baby. When our children begin in this world is when they need our protection the most. It is our instinct to worry about every bump and bruise that they get during their earliest years, why would we have their very entrance to the world be one to encompass something so extreme as being put under a knife? When they need us the most why would we expose them to an experience that is so very horrible?

Letter from Grace 'Grim' Matthews to the WHO

I have to stress that I think such messages are always better if expressed in the speaker's own words - I think we have more of an impact if each of us makes an individual... contribution to the cause. That way, the multitude of our voices can't be ignored.
That said, here follows the content of my email to the WHO:

To those at the World Health Organization,

As I'm sure you know, today is International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation.

I think this is a great promotional event, to raise awareness of the suffering endured by the millions of women and girls who are robbed of their right to decide what happens to their own bodies.

Genital Mutilation is a heinous act - it permanently alters the body of people who do not or cannot consent. It is my belief that every person, regardless of their ethnicity, culture, age or sex is entitled to genital integrity. That is, no-one should be legally permitted to interfere with another individual's healthy, normal genitals without either their explicit consent or an immediate, unambiguous medical need.

Tradition should be no obstacle to granting people these rights, and claims of religious conviction should not entitle people to be exempt from respecting the bodies of others.

I would hope that the WHO would take a stand for equality, and for the rights of all to their own bodies, by declaring itself opposed to the genital mutilation of males as well as females. Young boys, just like young girls, have the right to experience their whole, natural body, and not have tissue amputated for reasons of religion or tradition. That circumcision of males is not regarded as criminal is an example of hypocrisy in the international consensus.

If an adult man, against his will, had parts of his genitals surgically amputated, those responsible would be regarded as having breached his human rights. At what age then does he gain such rights? Because if the same act was perpetrated against him as a newborn, many, including the WHO according to its official position, would not consider this wrongful. Likewise, if a child is restrained and has part of their genitals cut away, our response differs based not on the severity of damage done, nor on the future impact, but on the sex of the victim and nothing else.

Not even a case for prophylaxis can be made, as male circumcision, despite its many claimed benefits, confers no advantage that can't be gained by other, less intrusive methods. This includes even the latest fad: STDs. No logical case can be made for condoning partial amputation of male genitals, whilst condemning comparative (and even less extensive) procedures in females. Thus the only case left to be made is almost invariably one of ethnocentricity, of considering the traditions of one culture as superior to the traditions of another; or of sexism, differing response based only on the sex of the victim.

The campaign to end female genital mutilation would be strengthened immeasurably by the condemnation of ALL genital mutilation.

I would hope that the WHO would make a commitment to the rights of all to their own bodies, ignoring differences of sex, age, ethnicity, etc. and so would condemn unnecessary genital surgery of any kind on non-consenting individuals. I look forward to a day when the right to bodily integrity is recognized internationally, and I hope that the World Health Organization shares this vision.

Yours faithfully,

Why Is The Body Dirty?

So many time our genitals are considered "dirty" by default. Society in general is still so repressed against anything that feels good and damns it as wrong or evil. I used to feel very ashamed of my own body due to some unpleasant experiences when I was very little that were well beyond my control. It has taken a long time to get past the shame and guilt that I felt over something that wasn't my fault.... But, with the help of a wonderful man, I have gotten past much (not yet all) of those feelings. The pleasure that can be enjoyed between two loving people is the most beautiful gift that we, as people, have been given. I equate the mutilation of any child's genitals to be on the level of what was done to me. It is all violating and painful and it's something that later has to be overcome lest it rot away in your mind like a festering sore that only breeds anger and cruelty. Instead of giving our children more things to overcome we should be focused on giving them all the love and care that we can so that they can grow up and share that love. We should encourage them to enjoy life and all it has to offer instead of focusing on the bad. Only in this way can we help promote true happiness and respect among all.

Pain can be the greatest tool used for growth. The only choice in situations like these is what we do with it afterward. Many people choose to become submerged in anger and continue the cycle of perpetuating more pain in others and some of us allow ourselves to become vulnerable enough to really look at it, deal with it and use it to make a difference for the greater good. It hurts for a while but in the long run becoming part of the later group is much more rewarding and help ease the pain over time. Being in the former group keeps us stuck with no opportunity for progress and only spreads the pain like a disease. The cycles have to stop somewhere, it just takes a strong enough person to stand up and say "This was wrong and I won't be a part of it anymore!" My mother taught me that by how she broke away from her family and took the risk of change to create a better life for her and for me. I love and respect her more than I can express for showing me that things can get better if you only take the chance to try. She is the reason that I believe that everything will be okay and that even at the worst of times it will get better if you only allow yourself to believe that it will.

~Alexis